I'm the Bob Schneider of Authors

Not giving a fuck about being a "proper" writer, one book at a time.

I wrote this for my readers’ email list, but after I was finished I realized I should really post it here as well. It’s a manifesto of sorts, and I thought it might give some of YOU permission in the same way that the subject of the post gave ME permission.

If you’re on that list, you’ve already read this and can just move on. I think that’s a small number, though, as demonstrated by the following Venn diagram:

Anyway, the email is below. Be sure to join my reader email list if you like my books and don’t want to miss more stuff like this.

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There's a little flow chart thing that happened when you read the subject line of this message. As such:

• Option #1: If you've ever lived in (or regularly visited) Austin, Texas, chances are good that you read this email's subject and thought, "Oh, Johnny knows about Bob!" or possibly "Does he mean that Bob Schneider?"

• Option #2: If you're not an Austin regular, you probably said, "Who?"

... and that right there is the first way that I'm basically the Bob Schneider of authors. You're welcome?

Look. If you're going to read my books, this is really something you should know.

Most authors aren't like me. Most stick to writing a single type of book. Most stick to one or two genres. Most have "sell as many copies of their books as possible" as the primary goal. Most are predictable. Most are either widely known or completely obscure, nowhere in between. And today, in the modern world, most follow the exact same playbook when it comes to "the business and practice of being an author." And I do mean EXACT.

There are outliers, of course (I should know, being one of them) ... but we're definitely not the norm.

For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me, being such an oddball of an author. Or perhaps more accurately, I thought my nature had stacked "the authorship deck of cards" against me. Take choice-of-genre for example. The most successful authors tend to be those who write in just one genre, and especially those who write books within a single series for a long time. I can't work that way, though, so I'd never be as successful. For me, the idea of working that way feels like I'm writing the same book over and over and over again. Who wants to do that?

Stacked against me, like I said.

So I figured I'd just have to struggle. Just have to have a harder time of it than anyone else. It's easier to build a fanbase when readers know exactly what to expect from you, but I was unpredictable. It was always going to be harder for me to gather fans, seeing as the only consistent element between any two of my books was that I wrote them.

But then I moved to Austin, and a local music legend gave me permission to keep doing exactly what I was doing.

Meet Bob

Don't forget to ask drummer Kyle Thompson about his Ozzy Osbourne one-man show.

Bob Schneider is an Austin mainstay and has been for decades. Say his name within the city limits and eight out of ten people will know him right away. Say it anywhere else, though, and eight out of ten won't have a clue.

That's kind of like me. In indie publishing circles, I'm like Bigfoot: a large and longstanding reputation, but a foggy one that sometimes makes people wonder if I actually exist. The people who know me really know me, but the wider world doesn't at all.

In other words: If you know, you know. IFKYK, as is often said about Bob Schneider shows.

​I've actually written a lot about Bob in an attempt to dissect the way my fandom of him is a model for other people's fandom of me​, so I won't repeat it all here. Besides, you're a reader but probably not a writer, and I wrote the article linked above for writers.

The short version is this: One day, some Austin-native friends took me to a show. I watched this new-to-me performer be completely, totally, and unabashedly his all-over-the-place, rule-breaking self ... and saw in Bob's fandom exactly what I wanted to see in mine.

Bob's genre is "Bob." Period.

I was haranguing my son about Bob one day, talking his ear off about how he writes and sings songs in pretty much every genre. You could call certain songs rock, folk, R&B, pop, country, or others, and there's even some electric stuff on the verge EDM and metal. Some songs are profound ballads, whereas others (I'm thinking of "Hanging With the Horny Girls" or "Thor") are basically jokes set to music.

My son, thinking he'd trip me up, said, "How's his rap game?"

Ha. Nice try. Bob has a very solid rap game.

But it's not the multi-genre thing alone that I took as "permission" for what I do. It's that Bob, simply put, doesn't give a shit. NO SHITS GIVEN. Want to write a song about eating at a Burger King in Rome? Want to stop in the middle of a song to give a ten-minute diatribe about how The Bachelor isn't good anymore? Want to make risky jokes, talk about religion and alienate a bunch of the audience, or make references so obscure nobody but two people get them?

ZERO FUCKS. That's how Bob Schneider rolls onstage.

I, on the other hand, had been giving plenty of fucks at the time. Every time I strayed into "too much authentically me," I gave a little fuck and backed off. I did write and publish the ​so-wierd-I-wonder-what-I-was-thinking​ books that came to me, but I apologized for their weirdness and didn't talk much about them thanks to errant fucks. And no matter what I did, I couldn't become more than modestly popular. I watched authors that I felt I wrote better than lap me in terms of sales and income, becoming bestsellers while I remained stuck in place. I wanted to be bigger than I was, but saw no way to make it happen because I didn't follow the rules ... and big success seemed to require following the rules. About that one, I gave MANY fucks.

Murder and Love is Everywhere.

Even my wife makes fun of me, because I'll follow Bob to anything. Last week he performed a front-porch show about a mile from my house, so of course I was there.

From that porch, he performed the songs "Murder" (which sounds like it was penned by an inmate at an asylum and ends with an overly-long fit of maniacal laughing not unlike Vincent Price's at the end of "Thriller," but more insane) and "Love is Everywhere" (a sweet, slow ballad) back to back. Because THAT shit goes logically together.

Just me, Bob, and the rest of the FAYMily

Because I'm a shameless fanatic, I of course listen to Bob's podcasts (all three of them). I've heard him talk a lot about his approach to art, creativity, and popularity. Living in Austin, which he's been called "the king" of, you'd think a guy like that would think he has enough popularity, but he still can't help comparing himself to the superstars. Bob's one-person discussion on the topic usually goes like this:

• I wish I was as rich and popular as Taylor Swift. Or any of the less-stratospheric popular singer/songwriters.

• I even know what I'd need to do to at least take a stab at it ... and at least approach higher levels of fame even if it's only partway. Hell, my manager keeps telling me to do those things, because then he could get me bigger gigs and contracts ...

• ... but I don't want to do those things. I'd rather do things my own way, entirely by myself, and make all the rules for how I want to show up as an artist.

• And honestly, huge popularity comes with a burden anyway. Everyone's watching you, judging you, and waiting for the opportunity for you to do or say the wrong thing so they can cancel you.

• So I guess when you get right down to it, I'm choosing to be exactly where I am: known by a smaller slice of the population and obscure to the rest and earning moderate income to match ... but also with complete and total artistic freedom and authenticity.

That's pretty self-aware if you ask me. Bob does at least recognize that he can get away with what he says and does -- displaying his most authentic self -- because he's obscure in the big picture. Yes, he's an Austin darling. Yes, he's had some ​national radio hits​. Yes, he's worked with Robert Rodriguez and dated Sandra Bullock at the height of her fame. These days, though, he just watches Hulu and shops at H.E.B. like the rest of us.

(Fun fact for you non-Texans: The HEB grocery chain is named for the initials of the founder’s son: Howard E. Butt. Serious.)

More than anything, Bob wants to be able to do whatever he wants with his music and art (because he's a visual artist, too) ... but if a huge spotlight was on him, he wouldn't be able to. Sure, he wants both ... but because he can't have both, he chooses freedom over bigger fame and riches.

And just like that, I had permission.

I didn't really need permission to do anything. Ask anyone who's worked with me: When it comes to what I create, I work exactly the way I work and I make exactly what I make no matter whether it's "commercially correct" or not. Part of that comes from stubbornness and part comes from the fact that I'm unable to be anything I'm not. I couldn't sell out if I tried (and on a few occasions, I have tried).

But suddenly I had a role model. Suddenly I had someone to look up to whose work I honestly love, and who's gathered his own "1000 True Fans" sufficient that although he's not Taylor Swift, he's doing just fine.

Suddenly I had proof that it really is possible to "have it all" in the way I think about having it all. Bob seems to have a great life and career going, and he says so all the time. He makes all the rules when it comes to what he does. He's completely and fully himself, putting on no airs at all. He has so much FUN up there, too ... even when it's a cathartic kind of fun. His stuff can be deep and profound, but he never takes himself too seriously. ("Like Radiohead," he's said. "I don't think those guys ever have any fun.") He writes like a storyteller, penning songs that are almost never autobiographical, but instead tell stories with characters and narrators. And of course, genre means nothing.

This is me, y'all.

I don't normally say "y'all." It just seemed appropriate.

But this is me. I'm a hell of a lot like Bob, and now I knew it was okay to be like that -- that I could hit the 80/20 sweet spot on career success and personal and creative satisfaction at the same time. It's not like I learned tricks from him; I was already doing all the things that his example now told me it was okay to do. But now I had a model, and an example of someone for whom it was working. I agreed with Bob's thoughts on big success hampering creative freedom ... so it was straightforward to keep doing what I'd been doing.

I write books in almost every genre.

I've written ​sci-fi​, ​fantasy​, ​literature​, ​steampunk​, ​cyberpunk​, ​westerns​, ​horror​, ​mystery/thriller​, ​Kung-Fu action​, ​young adult​, ​mindfucks​, ​comedy​, and what might tritely be called "​women's fiction​" even though I'm a man. Although I've largely divested it, Sean [Platt] and I even wrote romance for a while. (The books were good, but romance had too many rules and we were constantly breaking them. Guess how well the books sold?) I don't believe in sticking to one thing when there's such a delicious buffet out there waiting to explore.

I care more about doing what I want than being a bestseller.

I've claimed the title "bestseller" in the past. So have many, many other authors. Almost all of the time -- including when I use it -- it's bullshit. 99.9% of the time when you see someone who's not named Stephen King or Sarah J. Maas calling themselves a bestseller, it means they were at the top of some obscure category on Amazon for like a day, or maybe they created an anthology with fifty other authors and collectively pushed that anthology onto a traditional bestseller list for like a day. "Bestselling author" means nothing most of the time, so I say it less and less. I'd rather write the books I want and trust that the right readers will come than to contort myself into doing what it takes to become a true top-seller (because for me, with my weirdness, it would definitely take some contortion).

What matters most to me is creating interesting art.

I don't fit into a box. That's okay, if it means I can make dumbly amazing shit like ​Unicorn Western​ and populate my books with references to Robocop and Escape From New York. (I've actually put a character who's basically Snake Plisken in TWO separate books. Who can name them?)

I'd rather be human than rich and famous.

Being popular and famous beyond a certain extent usually means putting on airs, shutting yourself away for your own mental protection, or both. Brad Pitt can't walk down the street without being mobbed, and I doubt he'd answer if you emailed him a question. I can, though, and I like it that way. As Bob said, expectations are low when you're not in a big spotlight. I can be fully myself and act however I want. What, am I going to accidentally cause some sort of a stir the way celebrities do, and live my life in fear because of it? Nope. As my role model Bob says, "I'm an artist and I'll do what I want."

Fuck the rules.

Authorship -- especially in the indie community, which is full of people I love but HOLY SHIT is everyone looking for a blueprint to follow -- has a lot of rules. It's very, very clear what you're "supposed to" do, and woe be it to the author who doesn't do those things because they're in for a rough ride to the bottom of the success mountain. Like being on social media. We're definitely all supposed to be on social media, but I hate social media and have no social media accounts. (I'm currently toying with ideas for creating community among my readers that might require some sort of limited social media presence, but believe me it'll be limited if I do it.) I break the usual rules all the time, often to my own detriment. I don't care. I'll always choose to do the things I like doing and to ignore the things I don't like doing. If it costs me fame or sales, so be it.

I'd rather be real than aloof.

When it comes to readers and fans, I've chosen quality over quantity. Fewer but better fans sounds cooler to me than lots of anonymous fans. That’s why I do things like encourage readers to let me know if they’re headed to BookPeople in Austin to buy one of my books, so I can meet them there and sign it. It’s also why I actually respond to emails. I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS IMPRESSIVE TO PEOPLE, but it is. My thinking is this: When someone takes the time to write to you, you should answer them. My mother taught me that. And yet the #1 thing I do that shocks readers is simply answering when they email me. The fact that it shocks them so much can only lead me to conclude that almost no other authors are answering their email. Seriously? What a bunch of self-important assholes.

I write long. Very long.

I've already talked about how ​I'm apparently not suited for writing short stories (because they become novellas)​, but you can also just look at the email you're reading right now. I thought it'd be short. Ha ha ha. Short? You're hilarious, Johnny.

Anyway, I thought you should know that if you're to be a reader of mine: I'm going to do me, no matter what.

I don't take requests. I don't do what I'm told I should probably do. Instead, I just "do Johnny." Ever since my first encounter with Bob Schneider, I've leaned into "doing Johnny" more and more.

So if you made it this far in this stupidly long message, thanks for being here, and thanks for hanging in with all the weird ways I do things. Because, you know ... if you don't like some aspect of what I'm doing, it's not going to change, and you should probably leave now.

Seriously. If any of what I do bugs you, scroll down and unsubscribe.

But if you're still here, I'm so glad to have you with me here in the Truantverse.

-Johnny

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