Real Emotions Go Deeper Than We Think

What characters argue about might not be what truly upsets them.

This is part of my “Art of Noticing” series, in which I learn, find, or discover the things around me that usually go unnoticed and turn them into an endless source of creative inspiration.

NOTE: The last of these “Noticings” blog posts will run on April 13th. I’m going to keep recording the 9-minute daily podcast on which these posts are based, though, so if you want to keep your dose of daily Noticings, be sure to subscribe to the Art of Noticing podcast here on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

(You could also listen here on Substack, but that’s a miserable way to listen to a podcast so I don’t recommend it. Do yourself a favor and use a podcast app so you can listen on your commute or at the gym or something.)

I hate our high school’s athletic director. So do a lot of the volleyball team parents. The team was invited to an elite tournament, but the administration said the team couldn’t go. Their reasons were paper-thin, and the parents didn’t particularly like it.

So we got all Karen about it, flexed our privilege (yes, I’m very aware of it), and the two group started engaging.

After a month of it, it dawned on me that what made everyone so angry wasn’t the tournament and going or not going. Not anymore. Instead, parents were bothered by the imperious way the department refused to even talk to us, choosing instead to act like emperors who must not be approached. They, in turn, were angry because they came under fire in ways they didn’t feel were right.

See the problem? Soon enough, everyone was holding their ground just to hold it. Everyone was angry not because of some perceived injustice, but because the other side was being stubborn, refusing to even talk plainly and respectfully about the injustice or lack thereof.

This is true of characters as well: The emotions they display aren’t always what truly bothers (or delights) them.

Here's how this "noticing" can influence my stories and art:

Multidimensional Motivations

Giving your bad guys believable motivations beyond just “being evil” is always a good idea. I’m mad at our athletic department … but I do think I understand their thinking, even if I disagree.

Remember: Everyone is right from their own perspective, including your biggest antagonists. Tracing those characters’ actions back to formative experiences, deep pain, or their distorted (but logical) worldviews can help us understand them. The “why” behind the “what” is what builds realistic, flawed characters.

Communication is the Key to Understanding

When characters listen for real and are actually able to hear others’ issues, peace between them is suddenly possible. It requires patience, vulnerability, and a willingness to dig deeper from all sides, but it can transform relationships. You as the writer should keep that in mind.

No matter how bitterly characters may fight, it’s a good idea to consider why each feels that way in the first place. Understanding breeds cooperation and compromise … if those involved can open their minds a little and see each other's perspective.

Everything is Subjective

The same circumstance can be interpreted a bunch of different ways depending on each person’s biases and experiences. Use this to your advantage in fiction! Playing with perspective by showing two characters who see the same situation completely differently can really show readers how mindsets shape reality.

What’s more, characters’ interpretations of a situation often say as much about them as the event itself. Cool, right?

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